Just in Case Some Don't know

The pics on the right are, the last family pic of us together, two weeks before Jas passed. The far right one is the last really healthy pic I have of him from the last Christmas we had together.

Since I've now made my blog public, and some don't know.. If you've read older posts, etc, you'll notice that I stopped posting towards the end of May. My best friend of almost 5 years, my husband of 3 1/2 years and the father of my son, had terminal Esophageal Cancer that mets to his left lung and liver. I stopped posting around the time when he was getting really weak and I had to have a hospital bed brought in, among other things. It was too hard to update this blog at the time, as I had little time for myself, taking care of my husband 24/7 and that was just way more important.

On June 2, I admitted him into the hospital for the final time. He had a great day Saturday, stayed awake the whole 24 hours. We sat outside alot, talked and held hands. Sunday, his parents and his best friend came to visit. I took my son to McDick's for a happy meal and Brady brought his stuffed toy he got with it and gave it to his Dad. My son, makes me so proud and makes me cry so easily. He's such a good, little boy. That was the last time he saw his father alive. Monday, Jas went for surgery to check out the tumor in his throat as he couldn't swallow anymore. He had a restful night and I woke up to him on Tuesday morning with him just looking at me with a smile on his face. After some chat and a hug, I went home and showered. Came back and his nurse met me off the elevator with tears in her eyes. I should have known, really, he had all the signs, mottling, cold, hurt to be touched or moved, stiffening... of course, it didn't register for me. After I got to his bedside, I held his hand, he squeezed mine, I chatted with him for a bit, or at least I did the talking, he just squeezed my hand and was smiling at me the whole time. He said one last thing, I love you, squeezed my hand again, and then his face started contracting. I ran and got the nurse and with me by her side, she pronounced his death.

He was the love of my life, the one I was supposed to grow old and wrinkled with, and my world got turned upside down. I'll always love him and his pictures will always be displayed in my home. Jason was extremely brave throughout his struggle with cancer. Never gave up hope. Spent his last dying breath being the superb man that he was, smiling at me and holding my hand.

People say, there is no such thing as a romantic death, it's only in the movies. Well my husband proved them all wrong. He gave me one last thing, with a smile on his face and love in his eyes.